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DEAR READERS: My cousin, Ruth
Davidson in Phoenix, sent
this to me. and I have no idea who wrote it. Every senior
citizen will see himself or herself and laugh a little.
Senior Sentiments
A very weird thing has happened. A strange
old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is,
where she came from or how she got in. All I know is that, one
day, she wasn’t there, and the next day she was.
She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight
for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a
glimpse of her. And whenever I look in the mirror to check my
appearance, there she is, completely obliterating my gorgeous
face and body. I have tried screaming at her, but she just
screams back.
If she insists on hanging around, the least she could do
is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every once in a while,
I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket or some loose change
under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough.
I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but
I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and
withdraw $100, and a few days later, it’s all gone. I
certainly don’t spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude
she is pilfering from me.
You’d think she would spend some of that
money to buy wrinkle cream. Lord knows she needs it. And money
isn’t the only thing! I think she is stealing. Food seems to
disappear at an alarming rate —especially the good stuff, like
ice cream, cookies and candy. She must have a real sweet tooth,
but she’d better watch it because she is really packing on the
pounds.
I suspect she realizes this, and to make herself feel
better, she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am
putting on weight, too.
For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play
nasty games, like going into my closets when I’m not home and
altering my clothes so they don’t fit. And she messes with my
files and papers so I can’t find anything.
She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets
into my mail, newspapers and magazines before I do and blurs the
print so I can’t read it. And she has done something to the
volume controls on my TV, radio and telephone. Now, all I hear
are mumbles and whispers.
Just when I thought she couldn’t get any
meaner, she proved me wrong. She came along when I went to get
my picture taken for my driver’s license, and just as the
camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me! No one is
going to believe that the picture of that old lady is me.
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